I love looking through the Traffic Sources section of my Google Analytics reports to discover how people found my site.
To the end of 2008, over 75% of visits had come via search engines. There are thousands of weird keywords and phrases by which people have somehow managed to stumble across my little home on the web, but the ones that entertain me most are when people type entire questions into a search engine.
I thought it would be a nice idea to share some of these questions posed by previous visitors to ianfnelson.com, and perhaps attempt to provide answers where possible. I’m helpful like that. Here goes:
Can You Tell Me The Dates and Names Of The Monarchs From 1066?
No. But Wikipedia can.
Can You Get Married At York Minster?
I believe it’s possible, if you have some kind of special relationship with the place.
Does Ian Nelson Have Cars?
Do I Have To Tell My Boss That I Have NF?
As in the flesh-eating virus?! It might be a nice idea.
Does Grecian 2000 Actually Work?
How should I know? Cheeky bugger.
Does My Japanese Wife Need to Take The “Life In The UK” Test?
If she wants to settle in the UK, yes.
How Are They Consumed?
They’re gulped down quickly.
How Much Do Avanade Pay?
How Much Is A Pint In Riga?
Last time I was there, about £1 (€1.11, $1.51).
How Much Is A Shag In Riga?
Er, I didn’t find out.
How Old Is Ian Nelson?
How To Annoy A Four Year Old?
Insist that they’re only three?
How To Avoid Jury Service?
Serve a prison sentence, or develop a mental health problem.
How To Get Married In Newcastle Upon Tyne?
How To Improve Performance In NHibernate?
Buy and use NHProf.
How To Peel a Banana?
I do it this way.
How To Peel a Banana Strangely?
Er, with your feet?
How To Seem Genuinely Appreciative At A Bridal Shower?
Ha ha! How about considering how lucky you are that friends and/or family care about you enough to throw such an event, and shower you and your child with gifts?
Is Ian Nelson Gay?
Is Ian Nelson Married?
Is Ian Nelson Weird?
Was This Information Helpful?
Not so much.
What Day Of The Week Was 25 September 1998?
Friday. I had quite a thirst going that day.
What Do Schoolteachers and Sumo Wrestlers Have In Common?
Find out by reading Freakonomics.
What Does “Ey Oop” Mean?
What Is “Heather” In Gaelic?
What Is Jury Service Like?
See my blog post on the experience.
What Is Santa Claus Postcode?
In the UK, SAN TA1. In Canada, HOH OHO.
What Is The Easiest Munro To Climb?
Probably Carn Aosda. Dull as dishwater, though.
What Is The Role Of Ian Nelson?
I wish I knew.
What Nation Gave The World The Beatles?
They hailed from Liverpool, England.
What Time Do You Make It?
Five past Three.
Where Did Telnet Go?
It’s not installed by default in Vista. Here’s how to add it.
Who Sang “We Close Our Eyes”?
Who Sings “Bruised But Not Broken”?
This was a public service from ianfnelson.com